Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
