He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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