I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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