we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
