dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
