Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
