I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
