Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
