dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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