I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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