I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
