He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
