insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
