I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
