the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
