At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
