I wish I could punch you in the face.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
