I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
