I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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