"it" just moved
I just threw up on my dentist
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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