i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
