I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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