I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
