I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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