Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
