There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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