Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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