This house was built for laser tag.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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