Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
