So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
