I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
