Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize