New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
