I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
