Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
