My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
