Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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