I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sorry about my life...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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