I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
