I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
