so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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