there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
