I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
