it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
