Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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