Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
