i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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