allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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