Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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