can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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