Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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