lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
