you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
