great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just had sex on a roof
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
