the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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