I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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