im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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