my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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