it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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