Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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