I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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