I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
