you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
