Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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