if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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