well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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