I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
