what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
