I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
