we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
