I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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