i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
