This is not my ceiling
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize