When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
