2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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