I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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