Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
