Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
