i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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