Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
