I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
