i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
not ubering you a puppy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
