We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
