U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
