I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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