That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
