you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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