remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
