Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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